My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
