According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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