I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
someone threw a dead crab at me
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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