If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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