Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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