hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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