When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
