I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize