She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
You're like the curious george of whores
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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