yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize