My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
