shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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