Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Randomize
