She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
