I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
