im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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