What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize