I think I won the penis lottery.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
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