the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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