I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
