no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
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