dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
My pussy is not your playground.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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