He is such a slut. More and more my type.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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