If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
