Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
