The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
