i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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