I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize