I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
