I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
