uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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