Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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