Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
please come you make the beer taste better
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
