everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Randomize
