If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
