I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
