What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
