If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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