And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
