I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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