dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
