That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
