I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
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