when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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