Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
