hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
