she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I need to align my fucking chakras
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