Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
third nipple confirmed
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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