Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
