Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
