you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize