You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
