Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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