I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
