I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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