Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
