I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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