Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize