Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
