Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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