Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
