I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize